You’re a Wench (We Are Pirates – A Book Review)

We Are Pirates
Author: Daniel Handler
Published: 2015

On Goodreads

Scarlet Reader

My Rating: Full boltFull boltFull bolt

Rated R for rebellious teens reinventing themselves horribly.


He who wants the world must first escape it.

Phil Needle, a radio personality, a husband, and father, longs for more than his simple life. With a life-changing opportunity, he hits the road with his assistant, Levine.

Gwen, his fourteen-year-old angsty daughter has finally hit the age of rebellion. Rebellion against her parents, because they just don’t listen or understand, and rebellion against the world. As punishment for shoplifting, she’s told to visit the elderly. One man, in particular, garners her attention. With his stories of freedom and adventure, she and her best friend jump into the world of piracy.

The desperate search for freedom and happiness leads to unexpected outcomes for both Phil and Gwen and neither of them will be the same.


I love A Series of Unfortunate Events so I was really excited to take on this fiction by the same author. That being said, I didn’t get all that into it. With an indie theme with complete originality, there just wasn’t enough to grab my attention. Mildly entertaining, I was sadly nodding on and off. Though the writing was verbose and jet-setting at times, the plot just fell by the wayside. Sometimes a book will do that and there’s not always a perfect reason.

I love pirates and I don’t just mean Pirates of the Caribbean. Such great and bloody history comes from piracy and I guess I expected modern piracy more than an adventure turned mayhem in this. However, it was comedic as hell that a group of aimless kids was flailing about in their adventure in piracy like dodo birds trying to fly.

The parent to child relationship strain has to be the most realistic thing I’ve ever seen. Incredibly vivacious and brilliant. Pure emotion. It’s not easy to navigate teen-hood nor is it easy being a parent of one. The Needle family doesn’t give off dysfunctionality, but such normality that gave way to serious crazy and even bizarre. The ending surprised me the most. Amid tragedy, the freedom Gwen sought so much changed her forever.



Styling with adventure and a side of family drama to the max that is actually bedazzling. While charming, it’s unlike his other pieces. Even though it was one that didn’t resonate strongly with me, I don’t think it should be tossed aside. Give it a chance.



“Listen to this. There is never a boredom. There is always plenty to occupy the mind of a watchkeeper on the bridge at sea…” (Amber, p. 113)

“Where else can an innocent voyage lead? To an uncharted isle and back again.” (p. 218)

“We steal the happiness of others I order to be happy ourselves, and when it is stolen from us we voyage desperately to steal it back. We are pirates. It is the course of the world, and we may think that we can travel out of the world’s reach, anyone who thinks that, Gwen always remembered, is a mistake.” (p. 268)


More to come soon…                                                                                                



P.S. Song today? Into the Ocean by Blue October.


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